I am a victim of introspection. -Sylvia Plath
When I have an existential crisis I
- Numb myself with thoughts
- Write a blog post about it
One problem with being a teenage girl with a compelling urge to over think and beautify everything is that most of time, reality seems to be too…. oversimplified.
And this drives me crazy, because this particular feeling of overwhelming emptiness is one that just cannot be defined in language. And what we can’t name, we can never fully understand.
Maybe my OCD-level thought spirals are the cause for my frequent existential crisis episodes. Anyone who’s been through this would know the utterly agonizing wave of doubt and anxiety and fear and panic that washes over you.
And this makes me feel extremely isolated sometimes, knowing that no one will ever fully understand what it’s like to be controlled and held captive by my thoughts in my brain. They might love me, listen to me, and comfort me, but they will never be able to share my feeling of intense helplessness, or rather helpless awe, with me.
If you feel like this and you’re afraid:
- Don’t be afraid. It’s okay to feel the weight of the world on your shoulders and it’s okay to feel it getting it heavier. Just accept it.
- Listen. Listen to what your mind is saying and understand. Just stand back and listen.
- Ask for help. We are often scared by the prospect of asking for assistance because we believe it makes us vulnerable. That is false. If you ever feel like you can’t do it anymore on your own, go ask a friend for advice. Call a cousin. Talk to your neighbour.
- ALWAYS REMEMBER: It’s okay. It really is.
I exist, that is all, and I find it nauseating. – Jean-Paul Sartre