9 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Do

In which I explain what it takes to be mentally strong.

Featured Image by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

This post was created with inspiration from Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, read through another book, 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think, by Brianna Wiest.

They don’t assume that thoughts equal reality.

Emotionally intelligent people recognize their emotions as responses, not accurate gauges, of what’s going on. Most of the time, our feelings happen to be related to our own, objective perspective of a situation, not what’s actually going on. So next time when your mind tells you your life sucks (or something on the same spectrum of thought), stop for a second and tell yourself this:

My thoughts are not my reality.

They don’t let their emotions depend on others’ actions.

This is something that we usually hear. We’ve all read the quote: ” Don’t leave the keys to your life in someone else’s hands.” I guess you have. If you haven’t before, now you have!

Realize that your emotions aren’t somebody else’s fault, and therefore, not anyone else’s problem. Tell yourself that whatever you’re feeling is a cause of your own actions, instead of becoming a passive aggressive grumpy person, who blames everyone else for her unpleasant state of mind.

They don’t assume to know what it is that will make them truly happy.

Let go of all expectations of what does or doesn’t make you happy. That is something that will keep changing as you grow. As a kid, drawing might make you smile, while now, you might say it’s playing the guitar.

So keep your mind open to all sorts of new things, treating each one with the same potential to be something you’ll love. Do this, and you’ll find more things to love in the world.

They don’t think that being fearful is a sign that they are on the wrong path.

In reality, indifference is a sign of being on the wrong track. Fear just means that you care about something so much that you will do anything to protect it. Such fear must be accepted, not condemned. Just don’t let this fear stop you from doing all the things that you want to do in life.

They don’t feel the need to be happy all the time.

They are aware that happiness is a choice, but not a sustained state of joy. It is not humanly possible to experience only one emotion your entire life. It doesn’t matter if that emotion is the best feeling in the world. Like happiness.

It is important that we understand that happiness is a choice, not a sustained state of joy. It is important that we allow ourselves to experience every feeling we encounter, without trying to manipulate it. The more you let go, the more you’ll feel free.

They don’t think that infallible composure means emotional intelligence.

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from my half yearly exams, it’s that just because you don’t make mistakes, it doesn’t mean that you are intelligent. In most cases, it happens to be the opposite. To become truly strong, you must be willing to try, and fail miserably, many times. The more you fail, the more you know how not to fail the next time. That’s true intelligence.

They don’t think that their feelings will kill them.

This is something that I openly struggle with on a lot of occasions. I often get into a negative thought spiral, arising from my self-doubts, and before you know it, I’m questioning my existence as it were the weirdest thing that ever happened in the universe.

Over the months. I have realized that a feeling is definitely not going to shape my life (unless I want it to), and so it’s not worth losing sleep over. I’ve realized that all feelings, however ecstatic or depressing in nature, will pass with time, and so they are really not something that you should contemplate your life over.

They don’t just become close friends with anyone.

In her book How To Be A Bawse, Lilly Singh says that your mind is a huge fortress. Only you know all (or most) of its winding paths and mazes. You can invite people over for dinner to the ballroom in your fort, you might take a few on a tour of your private gallery, but you wouldn’t show someone all the little roads and rooms,  would you?

I find this to be a great analogy to show that we shouldn’t really open up to each and every person who enters our lives. We must be mindful and fully aware of who we allow into our lives and hearts.

They don’t confuse a bad feeling for a bad life.

Does this statement need any explanation, really? I think I might just make a quote out of this. Let it be your motivation for today.

feeling life.png
Photo by Evie Shaffer on Unsplash


By Udita Gowdety

I read books with the jacket off.

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