So for the last couple of days (or weeks, I’m not sure), I have been in this state of ecstatic pleasure. I don’t know when it happened, I don’t know how it happened, but I have just been unaccountably, extraordinarily happy. And satisfied. And content. And just very very very pleased with myself.
If you know me, you know that my mood changes faster than the speed of light, so having a state of mind that doesn’t fluctuate every millisecond was a surprising feat for me achieve, and I was so proud of myself. I didn’t let anything or anyone change the way I felt, and in the past, when I used to dread a challenge or a speed bump, I now found myself fearlessly saying:
Let the challenge come. I dare it to.
I was on a roll for weeks. I even managed to live through my school’s annual day drama – which was a playful spoof of The Three Little Pigs story – without having even a shred fear or anxiety in me. Worry I did, but only to make sure that our drama would be great.
And it was! We, the entire crew had one of the best annual day performances we’ve ever had, and we managed to make a lot of people crack up in laughter. It’s definitely our last annual day performance, because we won’t be allowed to participate next year, so this was a good end to nine straight years of participation.
Now, a week later, I find myself in a similar state of mind. I feel more ready to accomplish my goals. More importantly, I know what to accomplish and what to let go of. I am at my prime, and I know and truly believe that nothing can change me unless I want it to.
But something is nagging me. There’s the tiniest pebble in my shoe, that keeps irritating me, and the only way for me to get rid of it is to address it.
The last couple of weeks have had me on a roll because I believed that everything will work out, and I could just sit and let the world flow. Comfort had become a part of my daily wellbeing.
But here’s the thing: I don’t do that! I’ve never like the idea of things going unchallenged and unchanged. If I never would have changed, I never would have come to this thought. Ever.
Change is so integral to my personality that, whether or not I like it, I need it. I need it to make mistakes. I need it to fall. And I need it to learn. And I need it to become better.
I need it to do things I never would have expected myself to do if I had just stayed in the blissful world of comfort and certainty.
And so, as I end, I leave you with a quote about change and comfort:
“I have realized; it is during the times I am far outside my element that I experience myself the most. That I see and feel who I really am, the most! I think that’s what a comet is like, you see, a comet is born in the outer realms of the universe! But it’s only when it ventures too close to our sun or to other stars that it releases the blazing “tail” behind it and shoots brazen through the heavens! And meteors become sucked into our atmosphere before they burst like firecrackers and realize that they’re shooting stars! That’s why I enjoy taking myself out of my own element, my own comfort zone, and hurling myself out into the unknown. Because it’s during those scary moments, those unsure steps taken, that I am able to see that I’m like a comet hitting a new atmosphere: suddenly I illuminate magnificently and fire dusts begin to fall off of me! I discover a smile I didn’t know I had, I uncover a feeling that I didn’t know existed in me… I see myself. I’m a shooting star. A meteor shower. But I’m not going to die out. I guess I’m more like a comet then. I’m just going to keep on coming back.”― C. JoyBell C.