At age 14, I barely find the time to even sit at the TV and watch a movie anymore. While this might seem like an indication of a hustler in the making, it also seems like I’m going to burn out soon.
I tend to push myself to inhuman limits to make sure that I get all my work done, but I have also realized that this exertion leads to some pretty bad long term pains. Neck pain, while it might seem pretty harmless is a freaking nightmare. Sorry for cursing.
So this year, I’m going to make sure that give myself at least an hour of free time after my homework and studies, from 8:00 to 9:00 at night.
My perception of people.
This is a big task for me, not because I’m inherently a judgmental person, but because I tend to think of people as being one thing and nothing more. Black, white, or grey. This hasn’t affected any of my friendships yet, but I realized that it could soon if I didn’t change.
This year, I’ll make sure I imagine people complexly, and hold myself back from making opinions about people. I won’t react to change as much as I used to, be it in situations or people.
Fear of Failure.
I have already kind of mastered the art of not crying over failures, so this year I’m going to continue that spirit. I am going to give myself permission to be bad at stuff, and I am going to give myself permission to get better slowly.
Spiraling introspection. The bad kind.
Spirals go two ways. In and out. Thoughts tend to follow one of the two kinds of spirals. Thoughts either spiral inward, eventually out of control and chaotic, or they spiral outward, giving your mind space and time to grow.
This year, I’m going to recognize whenever I feel like my thoughts are spiraling out of control, and cut thought out immediately. I’m going to do my brain multiple favours.
Restricting my thoughts.
The previous year, I spent way too much time thinking about what I think. I cared too much about my mind’s every word, whisper and scream. I thought that if I could control what I thought, I could control what I became. But increasingly, I have realized that trying to shape myself with precision is as hard as trying to control which rocks a river washes over. You can create a stream for the water to flow, but that’s as far as your control can go.
This year, I will let my thoughts roam freely, without restriction or constant monitoring. I will stop trying to mould myself into something I can never become, and I will let myself evolve into someone I never thought I could become.