Oh, My Lord, January has been AMAZING. Like, the best time I’ve ever had in so long. And completely because of the things that I did. Let’s dive right in.
Letting Go of YouTube
Remember when I said that I would quit YouTube for a month?
I failed. Miserably.
The problem is that YouTube is integral to my growth as an online creator, and I really need YouTube to keep myself and my content fresh.
If that didn’t sound like the lamest excuse you’ve ever heard, it will now.
But for real, I did have a hard time quitting YouTube after the first week of January because I don’t think I had a bigger goal of letting go completely. I think I became satisfied with quitting for a week, and so I went back to my old ways soon after that.
However, that didn’t discourage me, because this year is all about trying, failing, and still trying nonetheless.
You can quote me on that.
*shivers with fear* Instagram.
I finally did it. For good. I can now live freely.
I permanently deleted my Instagram account.
Guess what? I feel unapologetically and unaccountably happy about my decision.
A week before my finals started, I was reading this book by Austin Kleon called “Show Your Work!”, which talked about how artists can make the most of the social network to gain an honest audience. And that made me use my old Instagram account which I hadn’t used in 3 months. I started posting and interacting with my friends, old and new, and in 3 days, my follower count more than doubled. I was having so much fun. I talked with friends I haven’t talked to in months, and I even made new ones. It was so good to have a circle of people who paid attention to you.
I think that’s where the problem started.
I started enjoying the attention a bit too much. Within a couple of hours, the people I interacted with turned into a count of views. I started caring a bit too much about the people, and Instagram lost its purpose.
Another thing that led to this decision was DMs. Guys, I cannot tell you how much virtual text messaging scares me. Most people fear one-on-one conversations with others (trust me, I know), but I just happen to be the opposite. Anything that isn’t a real-life conversation, a face time call or at least a normal phone call just seems inhuman to me. I love technology and I love chatting on Discord and Reddit and such, but I value real life more. And that’s ultimately what pushed me to delete my Instagram account.
I do feel a little bit sad about the good convos I had with people on Instagram, tho (Whatsis, that’s you). But I guess if people want to talk to me, there are only two places they’re going to find me now: In real life, and on this blog.
Note down my URL, Y’all.
Exams–Way Easier Than Normal?
I used to have this fear of failing at exams that numbed me to any scope of getting better and actually doing something good. I used to fret until the last second, read everything, panic DURING the exam about the next exams (not advisable at all), but still, manage to top my class.
And while the fact that I topped my class did give me an emotional release, it didn’t last for long and I’d start to dwell on the fact that I panicked so much earlier and think that this was because I was scared and so basically I didn’t give myself any space to breathe.
It feels stressful even writing about it.
But ever since New Year, I have loved myself completely and have actually taken the time to listen to what my gut says. I also realized that all the difficulty about exams that I perceive is just in my head. I told myself that life is so easy and there’s so much love in the world, so what am I afraid of?
Since then, I have done everything I wanted to and so much more without feeling burned out at all.
January definitely hasn’t been all rosy paradise with me sipping a glass of lemonade while revising the structure the atom and the surface area of a cone. It has been challenging in ways I used to only dream of, but I defied the odds and the little voice inside my head that says I can’t do things, that I’m not good enough.
This month, I learnt that I am enough, and so is everyone around me. I have learnt to succeed with ease, and I have learnt to help other people without losing my sense of self-care.
Pretty dang good 31 days, in my opinion.
P.S. Let me know what your month was like, maybe we can all relate!